Being a Mom of Boys - What No One Ever Told Me

Life is brimming with the unexpected. If anyone had told me when I first became an adult that I would be a mom of four kids, I would have told them no way. If they would have said I would have four boys, I would have laughed in their face. But here I am. Four kids and all boys. The only one in my family with the pair of x chromosomes. I am, in fact, referred to as the 'Queen of the Castle'. In earning this title, I have learned several things that NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT BEFORE BECOMING A PARENT OF BOYS. So if you are a  member of the M.O.B. club, find a place to be alone (you and I both know that is in the master bathroom), enjoy some solitude (that means lock the door and stick a towel underneath the crack), and relate to the challenges and rewards of being a M.O.B. (laugh, cry, eat chocolate-whatever...solidarity, sister).

I've become pretty good at blending in with the E boys.

1) Any object of any shape or size becomes a ball for whatever sport is in season. Socks, pencils, shoes, soda cans, books can all become basketballs, footballs, or baseballs. These items will be thrown into the nearest receptacle or aimed/batted at the furthest target regardless of what fragile items are in the line of fire. We have the broken light fixtures to prove it.

2) Danger thresholds are frequently confused with fun things to try. Pellet gun wars, making smoke bombs from sugar and stump remover, lighting bottle rockets to throw out of bedroom windows, building a sledding hill using the deck stairs...need I say more?

Deck stairs can become a snow hill...who knew?

3) Your bare feet will suffer multiple injuries from stepping on Legos. I do believe I have permanent indentations on the soles of my feet in the shape of these toys from "The Lego Years".

4) Punching each other is the universal language of brothers. Punching can mean, "Hey, man. What's up?" or "Let's throwdown MMA style in the living room, " or "I'm getting ready to kill you and you better run".

5) The refrigerator is never closed for more than 10 consecutive minutes before it is being raided for food and drink. I call them 'grazing omnivores'. Right now my oldest is a teenager and can outconsume the Hulk. I'm fully resigned to the fact that I will be taking out a second job when I have more than one son in the teen years just so I can afford to buy groceries.

6) Shirts are optional. I guess the reasoning here is it takes less time to start the MMA wrestling if your shirt is already off??? All I know is there are no farmer tans in this house.

Bunny hunting with no shirts, of course.

8) Bathrooms are optional. Way out of a girl's comfort zone, but boys have no qualms about dropping trou in the great outdoors when nature calls. Why interrupt a backyard football game just because you have to pee?

7) Things are never truly put away. I have found Hot Wheels cars in the ice tray in the freezer, all manner of debris i.e.-  clothing, drink containers, TV remote, DS devices/games, money, and homework shoved underneath the bed after so called 'cleaning my room', vile smelling ingredients for science experiments left on the kitchen counter, and dirty socks every-freaking-where.  But I guess my all-time freakout favorite is finding an athletic cup on top of my makeup basket in the morning after a night of baseball games. (Yeah-I'm still not over that one. Can you say scarred for life?)

Killer Whale Hot Wheels frozen in the ice tray- whaaa???

Just when I think I am the wrong person for the job of mothering boys because I just don't think that way (women are from Venus, you know) or cannot handle being grossed out one more time (the farting and burping are continuous), a ray of light will shine through the clouds of chaos and confusion (and dirt and grime) and remind me that there is NO PLACE I'D RATHER BE THAN A HOUSE FULL OF BOYS. I've heard some of the best affirmations of my life out of the mouths of my sons. Here are a few of the sparkling gems of encouragement I have enjoyed in the language of my little boys:

1) "Mom, when I grow up, will you marry me?" my once three year old asked me this while putting his hands on each side of my face followed by humming "Here Comes the Bride".

2) "Wow, Mom. You look good today! Like a 30-something with no kids." It was one of those rare times in my 43-year-old life when a good makeup day and a good hair day coincided. Love it when that happens.

3) "Thanks for dinner, Mom. That was the best lasagna ever!" It was Stauffer's from the freezer, but I will totally deny it if you tell them that.

4) "You should get The Mom of the Year Award." This was declared after I got them breakfast from The Donut Palace on two school mornings... in a row. The way to a boy's heart IS donuts.

5) A love note assuring me in a most endearing second grade boy way that he knows I am always on his side and will always be his biggest fan. Seriously the best note I've ever received.

All. The. Feels. It doesn't get any better than this.

6) Nightly prayers and confessions. Whether it's hearing my little boy asking God to "help us rock and roll our day tomorrow" (they have their own bedtime prayers) or being asked if he can "please be baptized because of asking Jesus to come into my heart and I'm ready to show everyone I want to live for God",  my own heart is melted at their sincerity and moved by their intention to just be who God created them to be.

Sometimes there are just no words to express the happiness.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I am NOT THE PERFECT PARENT. Oh, how I wish I was, but no one can be. What I can be is a mom whose purpose it is to create an environment that makes it easier for my sons to hear that still, small voice inside them that helps them discern right from wrong.  To be a mom that instills in her sons the belief that their choices have the power to positively impact others. To be a mom that recognizes the reality of what makes her sons who they are and embraces the truth that God has created them JUST THIS WAY to live a life that worships Him. I know not to expect them to be perfect either, but I am so very humbled when I think about what God has entrusted me with. These four boys, rowdiness and all, that will one day become men investing in a career and sharing their talents and abilities with others, committing themselves to their wives with all their hearts, and raising a family with the intention of making this world a better place. When I consider that, my feelings of being overwhelmed when surrounded with an abundance of testosterone and the 'men are from Mars' worldviews, are changed to feelings of being overwhelmed at the incredible blessing I experience of being the first woman in their lives to help them build a foundation of faith, freedom, and caring that will serve them well their whole life through.

Yes, life is brimming with the unexpected.  You see, NO ONE EVER TOLD ME THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE TO HAVE THIS MUCH LOVE IN MY HEART. I never knew I'd have tears in my eyes at a parent teacher conference because I heard that my son stood up for someone being laughed at by other kids at school and offered to help him with his homework. I didn't anticipate the joy I'd feel at hearing my son declare at our family Thanksgiving dinner that what he is most grateful for is Jesus' sacrifice as our Savior. I didn't foresee the depth of emotion I could know when I get a hug and a compliment from my son on how glad he is that I am his mom and he says "I'm so lucky- I just can't imagine a better mom in the whole world than you, " and a promise to take care of me if I ever can't take care of myself.

It's very true that sometimes life is not what you expect. Sometimes it's better.