Ever tried to live your life with no margins? If you're like me (and the rest of the general population in America in 2016), then the answer is probably "yes". I recently read this extremely impacting excerpt from the book Margin by Dr. Richard Swenson:
"The conditions of modern-day living devour margin...Marginless is being thirty minutes late to the doctor's office because you were twenty minutes late out of the hairdresser's because you were ten minutes late dropping the children off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from the gas station-and you forgot your purse.
Margin, on the other hand, is having breath left at the top of the staircase, money left at the end of the month, and sanity left at the end of adolescence.
Marginless is the baby crying and the phone ringing at the same time; margin is Grandma taking the baby for the afternoon.
Marginless is being asked to carry a load five pounds heavier than you can lift; margin is a friend to carry half the burden
Marginless is not having time to finish the book you're reading on stress; margin is having the time to read it twice."
Does this not hit a little too close to home?! Maybe not every single specific, but the concept of overextension is one we can all identify with. Now, I have tried for a long time to eradicate using the word "busy" as a describing word for my life. I feel like it carries a bad connotation of just doing to be doing. When someone would ask, "How are you?" and my answer was "Really busy!", I discovered I was subconsciously thinking "I'm important because I'm so busy" . Uh-oh. Not good. I'm happy to say that my M.O. for understanding self-worth has changed. I am emphatic about making sure the things that fill my life are meaningful and purposeful in and of themselves, but....
BUT. Leaving room for margins? That's taking it to the next level. I have discovered that although I think all of the things in my life have meaning and purpose, I can still find myself in an unhealthy place, dysfunctional, or stressed out, by not allowing room for margins. It would seem simple enough to leave space to absorb the crisis moments, or the unplanned setbacks, or miscalculations of time needed to complete tasks or travel to and fro- but it's not easy. Society has programmed us to seek significance in our lives by being booked solid. And yet, we know all of those unexpected difficulties are going to arise! It's life. But while I'm bustling about between work, school, the boys' sports, church events, and family obligations, I end up being perpetually in a hurry with a packed schedule of overlapping appointments and activities. However meaningful and purposeful my intentions were, the jam-packed schedule and frantic nature of getting all of the people to all of the places because it's all so important is suddenly draining my energy and depleting my relationships. In my experience, overloaded and overwhelmed quickly translate to spiritually overdrawn. It's pretty hard for the soul to find joy when you're drained and depleted.
Enter another quote that has rocked my world. This gem comes from The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. "Holiness is essentially wholeness- a life that works. Sin is dysfunction or sickness. The number one spiritual sickness of our day is "hurry sickness". We are constantly in a hurry because we have overloaded our schedule. When we lack margin in our lives we become tired and lonely and joyless, which seems to invite temptation. We need margin. Margin restores balance and restores our soul, thus increasing our capacity for joy. Joy is a bulwark against temptation. Margin and holiness are related to one another in very deep ways."
Wow- that just lays it all out there. The reason why we need margins. I see the truth of this so clearly, and that truth is setting me free. I don't have it all figured out, but as I pray and intentionally change my mindset about the precious resource of time and what is truly best for me and my family, I sense God speaking to me about adjustments that need to be made. Smith also writes, "Remember, God never called anyone to marginlessness. When we lack margin, it is our own doing and is a sure sign we have stepped outside the kingdom. So be honest and be ruthless with your schedule. Your spiritual, relational, and physical health depend on it."
Being honest with my kids about what is feasible to do in a given day with the commitments that have been made, getting their input on how to make it happen, and/or deciding how to prioritize and how to say "no" are all steps that are being taken in this process. And make no mistake about it- it is still a process! But it has been very rewarding to begin seeing an appreciation for wholeness over constant pressure to hurry so we can participate in every activity just because it's "a good opportunity" taking root in our family. Nights with no places to go to are an essential part of our lives. Meals together on the weekends to stay connected to one another are a necessity. Going to visit the grandparents for no reason other than quality bonding time instead of racing to the ball field or gym for extra practice is highly valued. Going to bed when there is still work to be done is a virtue... I know my limits...and sleep-deprivation helps nothing! I'll take the capacity to enjoy the best over just trying to squeeze in the good every time.
