Looking for Arrows Over Answers

I just love the RIGHT answer.  It's being able to check the box.  It's the decisive 'now-I-know' message my brain wants to hear. How many times do we tell ourselves "If I just knew what the right thing was to do here, I would do it". We find comfort in knowing how it all plays out before making decisions. But since we can't nail it down, we ignore, procrastinate, and sometimes get downright paralyzed and just not do anything at all because we let fear of the unknown or uncertainty have the final say. Sometimes waiting is wise, but sometimes it is just an excuse to stay comfortable.

"Consider your waiting...are you in a scared pause or a sacred pause?  One letter makes a big difference." (Emily P. Freeman) That is more than a clever phase to me.  It is a light shining out of the shadows of indecision because I know I am called to create.

The truth is we don't always know how the future will pan out and that can keep us from living in the present.  I have been challenged with this truth recently. If you've read very many of my blog posts, you have figured out that I believe joy is found in creating. No matter the style of creativity that is called for, I get pretty excited when whatever I set my mind to create results in a product that meets the need I focused on. But what about dealing with a compelling to create without having clarity on the exact results?  What if the final goal is murky?  What if the answer seems uncertain? What if I put all of my effort into this and it is rejected?

I really have two choices:
1) I can let fear of the unknown put life on hold 
or
2) I can create without needing clarity

The latter flies in the face of my goal setting personality. And yet, the act of creating is what breathes life into my soul.  Faith to do what I feel called to do can still thrive even when fear is whispering in my ear.  Because there will always be unknowns. The 'what-ifs' abound.

As a teacher for twenty-one years, I have a deep desire to help fellow teachers succeed both professionally and personally. I have some ideas of programs and resources to develop that I believe can bridge the gap between the demands of the job and the realities of limited time and energy. Stuff that no one teaches you in college, but can make or break one's teaching experience. My talents and burdens are colliding in such a way that I know this is my calling. But even in the midst of my calling, the 'what-ifs' can get in the way of taking action. "What if no one takes me up on what I offer?"  "What if people don't understand how this can help?"  Since I automatically seek comfort in knowing the details, the 'how' questions get to me also: "How will this look when it's done?"  "How can I get this to the teachers that need it?" or "Who specifically is going to use this?" 

Often it is the most simple advice responsible for breakthroughs. The following is a phrase I adopted from Emily P. Freeman and her podcast The Next Right Thing that is helping me conquer decision paralysis: "Stop rushing clarity. Start creating."

It is powerful in its simplicity and profound in its impact. On the heels of this nugget of wisdom is another great thought from Emily's newest book also entitled The Next Right Thing: "Look for arrows over answers." My arrow is pointing toward the path of equipping fellow teachers with strategies for fulfilling their purpose to make a difference in kids' lives while also creating space for self-care margins that develop their own mind, body, and spirit. I don't know exactly what form communicating those strategies will ultimately take. I don't know exactly which teachers this help will connect with. But I do know that I am compelled to create and share.

So I start asking a different question. "What can I do living in this moment without knowing the future?"  And I start seeing arrows pointing out the next steps in my journey. I can offer my time and listening ear to a discouraged colleague. Be vulnerable in sharing my story of how I learned the importance of self-care the hard way. Write encouraging words. Set up my online store. Reach out to administrators that have a heart for caring for teachers at a deeper level. These are steps I can take right now, but I'll be honest. Some of these things SCARE ME. But instead of stubbornly expecting to know all of the answers, I can rest in the peace and purpose of following my arrows. I am free to create without needing the clarity of every detail. I want to extend that hope to all of my friends in whatever place of decision in which they find themselves. Even when clarity alludes us, you and I can still create the joy.

The Day After Perfect

As a recovering perfectionist, this excerpt from a recent podcast I listened to made SO MUCH SENSE.  Jon Acuff hit the nail on the head with his description of  'the day after perfect.'

"We think, This will be the year we do a perfect streak and go 365 for 365. Maybe it's that we don't talk about it enough.
The day after perfect is the day after the thing didn't work. It's the day after you skipped the gym, you ate the cheesecake, you smoked another cigarette, whatever it is the thing you're trying to do. It's the day after that. I think, one, we don't talk about it enough. Two, we never come up with a plan for it. So what happens is you get stuck with streak thinking.
 I just met so many people myself included over and over that would say, "I went to the gym 11 days in a row and then on day 12, I messed up and I never went back again."
That idea of I really think that matters is the day after perfect is where you go, Yeah, yesterday didn't go how I wanted, it just didn't. Guess what? Today is a new day, and I'm going to start my thing. I'm not starting over. I'm starting on day 13. I had the good 12 days.

I think that's really important. Just part of beating perfectionism is admitting you're going to have a day after perfect. When you think about it logically, it's insane that we think, "No, I'm not. From here until death, I'm probably going to knock it out. It's going to be pretty good."
You go, "No, it's more about giving yourself permission to fail, forgiving yourself, being kind to yourself." Those are not popular things to talk about in goal setting. I think we think we have to be perfect in order to sell the book or sell the thing. But then that doesn't really help people." -Jon Acuff

I love this! Let's be kind to ourselves. It is freeing to admit we're not perfect.  I am understanding the power of progress over perfection and it is changing my life. Celebrate your progress and keep going even when you fail. 

Here's to day 13!    

How to Welcome the Day

Have you ever heard that the tone for the day is set before you ever leave the house?  It gives me pause to think about how impactful those first sixty minutes after waking up really are when I frame it as the starting point of what I want the next fifteen HOURS to be like! What I have discovered is that when I kindly open the door to a new day, I approach my day with more peace, motivation, productivity, and clear thinking.

I love that phrase- kindly opening a new day.  Isn't that just a breath of fresh air? It is directly opposite of my former ways of waiting until the last possible minute and doing everything at warp speed to get myself and everyone else out the door on time in the morning. That way was filled with turmoil and angst, with no room for margin in case of "emergencies". That means when I got to work, I was already battling uphill trying to get over the frustration of the morning...and it wasn't even 7:30 am yet! Not setting a good tone for the day at all.

 And then I was introduced to the life-giving concept of an intentional personal morning routine. I'll be honest. I am not a big fan of the word routine. I kind of equate it with the idea of being in a boring rut. It's really not. It helps me to think of routine in terms of getting in a rhythm.  Now that is an idea I can get on board with! Who doesn't like to feel that they are in a rhythm?

My source responsible for convincing me that a morning routine is THE way to welcome the day with a peaceful mindset was a podcast The Lazy Genius Morning Routine. It was a true awakening. Kendra (The Lazy Genius) explained how empowering "kindly opening the day" (her phrase, btw) could be and I instantly knew I had to do this. I was even more energized after reading her blog, The Universal Path to Life-Giving Routine. After embracing the daily small step and starting ridiculously small, I have found myself building on my routine and enjoying the rhythm that centers around who I really want to be.

Starting small was very foreign to me at first. I am more of a go-big-or-go-home type of girl, but what happened when I tried to make and sustain the sudden "big change"? I crashed and burned after three days and felt like a failure. Example - I wanted more time to myself in the morning to meditate and have devotions, enjoy breakfast and drink my first cup (don't judge) of coffee. So big-or-go-home tells me to wake up a half an hour earlier, journal, make a fresh breakfast and coffee, and sit down by myself to eat, drink, and meditate until it is time to make sure the kids are up. Why in the world did I set myself up to fail like that? It was like magically expecting that I am going to need thirty minutes less of sleep every night just because I want to eat/drink/be merry by myself in the morning. The idea is awesome, but the instant execution was unrealistic.

However, starting ridiculously small gave me a way to succeed and build from there. My daily small step was setting out my coffee cup on the kitchen counter with the K pod the night before. As Kendra would say, "Start with something so small, you can't NOT do it." So instead of changing my schedule for thirty minutes earlier in the morning, I actually just started with something that took less that thirty SECONDS the night before. The next morning it was RIGHT THERE, and so I added the water, and pressed the button. So easy, I couldn't NOT do it, right? Each day I could progress a little further toward my goal. That lead to actually sitting down for a few sips. Then I traded checking Facebook right away, to checking my inbox for my daily Christine Caine devo and reading that for one minute while drinking my coffee. I moved to making an egg with my coffee and finishing the cup. Within two weeks I had a sustainable new habit that centered my thoughts and helped me start the day in a peaceful manner. I love the domino effect of routines!

You guys, the key is the ridiculously small step, I'm telling you! Having a morning routine helped me determine what my evening routine needed to be. I am currently on the path to having a healthier body. So I started thinking...How can I build on my morning rhythm to take better care of my body? I am basically allergic to exercise (don't laugh), so I am going major baby steps on this one. Get this - I started with laying a soft pillow on top of the stationary bike seat. I sound like a diva, but, I swear, that bike seat practically cuts me in half and I am NOT adding a bruised booty to my morning rhythm! 😃 It doesn't get any smaller or more ridiculous than that! I get so bored riding that thing, so my time is only up to three minutes right now. Because that is how long it takes to watch a Jimmy Fallon hashtags clip while I go at it - NOT KIDDING. At least I can laugh while I pedal! Pro tip: Laughing primes you to feel more positive about whatever is coming next in your day. So it's win-win, even if it is a small step. I feel good about my chances of building on this because I have been successful in my new way of welcoming the day with daily small steps. But I finally feel like I am winning at mornings.

Is every morning my perfect ideal?  NO. Because I am a normal person that has to stay up late sometimes... and sometimes that is going to bite me in the butt the next day. Since those times are the exception and not the rule, I know my morning routine is a secure habit. If you need to find a positive rhythm, start with the tiniest step that is so easy, you can't skip it. Don't make excuses about why you can't possibly have a peaceful morning. It comes down to this. It really is up to you and me to create the joy in our mornings.  No one else is responsible for my attitude, my motivation, my productivity, or my peace. I know what helps me set the tone. I bet you can already think of a place to start a new habit, too. I am looking forward to learning more ways I can adapt, execute, and enjoy a rhythm that makes me come alive, embrace my identity, and be who I need to be for the people in my life.

Moving Forward

Fresh start. Clean slate. Dawn of a new day.

Whatever phrase you like to use, the transition to a new year holds the promise of moving forward. One of the best ways to create the capacity to do just that is taking life inventory in the form of honest self-evaluation by looking at the year we just lived. That single act allows us to learn from our mistakes/losses and capitalize on our wins. Honesty is admitting it is better to face it than fake it. It doesn't have to be complicated.  In fact, the hack I use is just answering two questions:

What worked?  

What didn't work?

 
It didn't take me long to come up with my two lists for evaluating 2018. When I shine the light on those things, it generates momentum for progress. Progress = moving forward!

DIDN'T WORK:
-Ignoring what my body tells me it needs
-Squeezing too many life changes into one summer
-Procrastinating on paperwork, doctor's appointments, housecleaning (basically everything I put off)
-Comparing myself to others
-Holding on to unrealistic expectations

WHAT WORKED:
-Implementing new habits by taking small steps
-Moving to a different house that better fits our family's lifestyle
-Delegating more household tasks to the boys
-Establishing purposeful morning and evening routines
-Taking risks professionally
-Using select podcasts as resources for self-improvement

As it stands, my reflection on those answers is hugely helpful in creating awareness and setting goals. But I can still take it to another level by sharing what I've learned... the positive and the negative  (what I want to see a repeat of and what I want to let go). There is something about being authentic in the realities of our lives that frees us to take the next steps. Our authenticity can then lead to accountability.  It is truly amazing the forward movement that can happen when we have the understanding and support of others. That only comes with making ourselves accountable.

I recently heard Emily P. Freeman encourage the idea of seasonal reflection in her podcast "The Next Right Thing" and I am totally on board with this.  I mean, why wait until 2020 rolls around to be honest about what's working and what's not, right?   I love this idea! In just three months I can do a winter reflection and be that much further along in my journey. There's nothing to lose in an honest reflection no matter what time of year it is!

As we welcome the new year in all its glorious potential, I hope we can all follow through on our plans for moving forward and are able to say that we truly enjoyed progress in our journey to create some joy. Best wishes in 2019!