I was recently
reminded of a testimony I had shared five and a half years ago. It was a good
reminder to me of how God is so faithful to create peace out of chaos and
confusion. He cares too much for us to let us struggle forever with
misconceptions about His love and grace. May great hope be found today in His unconditional acceptance of you.
“Throughout
my life I have struggled with the truth that salvation is not earned. Now, I
would tell you that I was saved by
grace, but the way I lived was as
though it depended on doing good deeds and being perfect. Then I would be accepted as a good youth pastor’s
wife. (Self-talk can be really messed up sometimes.) I didn't even realize I was living with the perception that through my works I
could be accepted as a worthy example of a Christ follower. The more my schedule was packed with doing good, the more I
convinced myself I was more lovable to God. Being busy equaled greater self-worth in my mind. I considered self-sufficiency a
virtue and invested myself accordingly. When I faced daily challenges (whether
mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual), it became my mission to solve whatever
the problem was on my own with as little involvement from others as possible.
That would be seen as weakness, and I did not want to let anyone down…believers
are strong in their faith, right? My vision of being holy was confused with having to be perfect. As I relied more and more on myself, I began noticing
that I no longer felt hunger and thirst for the things of God. That made me feel guilty, and my guilt seemed
to push me further away from Him. Weak
and burned out, inadequate and overwhelmed, these feelings and misconceptions were
affecting me in all areas of my life. It
was like I had created an isolation zone for myself in my fervor to be perfect
and sufficient. I was alone and
discouraged. I was mentally stressed out and physically depleted. The harder I
tried to be the perfect Christian full of good deeds, the more restless and
empty I felt.
I’ll
never forget the night that Mike was out of town on a student retreat and my
own kids were all in bed. I lay awake in the night feeling like a big fake. For all my attempts
at right living and acts of service, I was failing miserably at trusting in God
and was falling apart on the inside. In desperation, I cried out to God to just
‘show me what to do because I can't go on like this!’ I raided Mike’s book collection and opened The
Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. As I read these words, all of a sudden the
dry desert in my soul became flooded with new life and truth:
'Grace strikes us
when we are in great pain and restlessness.
It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and
empty life. It strikes us when year after year, the longed-for perfection does
not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades,
when despair destroys all joy and courage.
Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and
it is as though a voice were saying, "YOU ARE ACCEPTED. YOU ARE ACCEPTED."
Accepted by that which is greater than you.
Simply accept the fact that you are accepted...
Grace calls out, “You
may be insecure, inadequate or mistaken.
Death, panic, depression, and disillusionment may be near you. But you are not just that. You are accepted."
Overwhelming
peace and joy came into my spirit and I just lay there weeping for this
realization of just how powerful the grace of Jesus is. He accepts me in all of my imperfections. He accepts me in the midst of disappointing Him. It was like a great
wave of healing as the Holy Spirit continued to minister to me. Along with that peace of just letting go,
came the conviction that my attempts at being self-sufficient were at odds with
God. At the root of it all was
pride. Pride is the opposite of the
humility of Christ. So I confessed this
sin and received the cleansing made possible through the blood of Jesus because
of His grace. My prayer continues to be, 'Lord, help me follow the example of
Christ’s humility.' I continue to be in awe of how much God loves me and how
His grace will always accept me.
'Christ arrives right
on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready.
He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and
rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so
weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying
for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble
could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us
by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to
him.' -Romans 5:6-8 (The Message)
'My deepest awareness
of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to
earn it or deserve it.' -Brennan Manning
 |
Who
Am I by Casting Crowns is one of my favorite songs and testimony for my life
because of its interwoven theme of grace. The message of the song is worth
sharing over and over again… we are accepted and forgiven and it’s not because
of who we are…it’s because of what He’s done.
It’s not because of anything we have done… but because of who He is. Grace
continues to be what I am most thankful for and by which I am transformed. Transformed
from a person whose goal used to be perfectionism, but now is to trust in a
loving Savior to show me how to best glorify Him. Now that I fully accept the fact that I am
accepted, I am free to share the encouragement of grace with others. I pray you find joy in the truth that you are
NOT just your imperfections, you are LOVED and ACCEPTED. Simply accept the fact
that you are accepted.”
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