Embrace the Becoming

You know what they say..."Never say never".

It's that time in the spring when people post pictures galore of their kids graduating, or getting married, or entering the next phase of life.  Mamas are busy posting pics of their adorable offspring cuddled in their arms from Mother's Day past. They generally wax nostalgic about how they want to just stop the hands of time or what they wouldn't give if they could hold their babies in their arms like the good old days. I guess their past experience of living through newborn baby boy and toddlerhood × 4 is vastly different than mine. Because quite honestly, you'll never hear me say, "I wish time would slow down", or "I wish my kids were little again".

Now, I adored my baby boys. Seriously, they were all dead ringers for first place in the Cutest Baby in the Universe contest if there ever was one. And talk about capturing my heart? Only completely. I fondly remember rocking and singing and reading with those sweet little bundles in my lap.  I can post naked baby pictures with the best of them.

But I'm not so far removed from those days that I don't remember being stressed out, exhausted, frustrated, depressed, or all of the above.  I used to feel guilty when I heard other moms bemoaning the fact that their kids were already a year older when planning the next birthday party. I felt awkward that I wasn't all,  "Why do they have to change so fast?" like everyone else seemed prone to ask. I started wondering why I don't feel that way. So I began analyzing and discovered this: I'm not a totally horrible mom for being glad my kids are growing up and neither are you.

I wouldn't be an inspirational blogger worth my salt if I had you thinking the best days as a mom were behind you. I draw the line at wishing to experience the past all over again. The truth is that little kids are needy. And messy. And draining. And can't do much on their own. And needy. (Did I mention that already?)

I mean, do people even think about what they are saying when they make those statements about going back in time?! Do they want to go back to changing poopy pants every day? Um, no thanks. They really would like to clean up pukey sheets and bathe a sick child in the middle of the night for old times sake? I'm going to pass on that one. Do they sincerely miss answering the question, "But why?" twenty thousand times a day when it has already been asked and answered? Kill me now.

Call me crazy, but I sure as heck will never wish those days back into my life. I paid my dues. This is the time for cashing in on the benefits of kids growing up. No packing a survival bag in preparation for any contingency just to go on a shopping trip. No cleaning up a blowout and continuously treating for a diaper rash. Kids eventually do make it to the toilet in time to flush their own pukey. They accept the answer they are given without the endless questioning... wait a minute. I guess we are still working on that one, but you get the picture!

And that's not even the best part of kids growing up. I can't possibly entertain the notion of turning back time when I see the wonderful people they are becoming. Babies don't go out of their way to fix their mom a carb-laden breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. Toddlers don't wash their own ball uniforms or build their own computer. Infants don't offer to shop for Christmas presents to donate to others less fortunate than they are at the holidays. But my boys now do all those things.

And it's awesome.

Have I always loved my boys? Of course! But as they grow, I find I LIKE them more every day. We share jokes. We discuss deep thoughts. We tease each other. We debate. We rise to the occasion.

You know what's better than having your young kids obey you just because you say so and they feel they don't have a choice? It's having them come to you because you have their respect and they ask you for advice. (It doesn’t happen every day, mind you, but it DOES happen).  It's having them answer your questions to get them to think and learn to problem solve independently. You know what's better than being able to teach them a new skill? When they teach you one instead!

My parenting philosophy is to guide my sons in such a way that each day they need me a little less than the day before. That I "prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child" (Jen Hatmaker). I hope that by my joyful attitude of embracing who they are becoming rather than wishing for the bitty babies of days gone by, my boys feel an unconditional love that will be characteristic of their way of life. That their mindset will always be one that values living in the present moment and looking excitedly toward the future without being mired in the past. I want them to get my message loud and clear- "I am so happy with you as a young man and how you are changing the world for good, that I would never wish you to be anything less than what you are becoming right now."

Moms, how about if we give ourselves permission to celebrate bringing our children one step closer to adulthood this weekend rather than mourn their maturity as if it is a tragedy to be avoided? Embrace the becoming. They will LIKE you even more for the positive message that you believe in them and the best is yet to come. Happy Mother's Day!